Outdoor living without the drama: how to stop your terrace from becoming a neighbour nightmare.

Well, what a weekend it’s been. After my piece on outdoor kitchens last week, I decided to get to work on one myself.

It all started with an innocent plan: a cozy evening in the garden. The spring air was fresh, the coals were glowing on the barbecue, and a good glass of wine was within arm’s reach. The perfect outdoor living, without the drama. Just as it was meant to be. Until it happened.

First came the smoke. A thick cloud of grilled ribeye and smouldering charcoal wafted straight into the open windows of the neighbours. Not just any neighbours, but the kind with curtains that are always half open and an uncanny ability to look out at exactly the right moment, feigning outrage. The first cough came before I’d even flipped the first skewer.

Then came the sound. Not that the volume was overly high, but my carefully curated ‘outdoor cooking’ playlist with laid-back jazz was apparently perceived as an unbearable act of terror. From the house next door came the repeated, passive-aggressive slamming of windows. Short pauses between the bangs, as if they were debating whether it was necessary to slam them even harder.

And then… the lighting. The cozy string of warm yellow lights, strategically hung for an intimate setting, seemed to reflect directly onto the TV across the street. They were watching something important, because suddenly the lights came on, followed by an exaggerated inspection of the terrace, during which the conversation just so happened to loudly include “some people who think the sun never sets.”

What started as a cozy evening in the garden quickly turned into a diplomatic crisis within an hour and a half. A grilling feast with the strategic tension of a Cold War. And the best part? This scenario is barely an exaggeration.

Okay, I could go ahead and give you a nice, preachy story with all sorts of well-meaning advice that you probably already know. And by now, you’ve probably already checked out. But there are things you might not think of right away. So here are a few tips from a seasoned outdoor living veteran.

Smoke: the subtle art of barbecuing without leaving a trace

Barbecuing is fantastic, but not everyone appreciates a smoke screen as if there’s a forest fire happening. There are ways to grill your meat without your neighbours thinking you’re burning tires.

• The wind is either your enemy or your friend. Keep an eye on where it’s blowing, unless your neighbours are big fans of a free smoke sauna.
• Charcoal with caution. Wet wood, cheap fire starters, and scented briquettes? Guaranteed smoke machine.
• Plancha of gietijzeren bakplaat. No smoke, just as much flavour. And the chances of anyone filing a complaint? Zero.

Sound: when gezelligheid turns into a free concert.

Music sets the mood, but it can also be the point where your neighbours start wondering if they’ve moved to the mainstage of a festival.

• Two small speakers are better than one stadium-sized speaker. Sound distribution prevents you from unintentionally filling someone’s living room with your playlist.
• Talking loudly is contagious. The first bottle of wine is ‘gezellig’, the third turns your entire garden into a talk show in panic mode.

Privacy: subtle, but effective.

You want to relax, but not feel like you’re sitting in a display window. The trick is to create your own cocoon without making it feel like a bunker.

• Tall plants work better than a metre-high fence. A little shelter without it looking like you’re rebuilding the Berlin Wall.
• Smart placement of your seating area makes a big difference. Sometimes, just turning your chairs a quarter turn can help, so you’re not constantly making eye contact with the neighbours.
• Bamboo grows quickly and is a natural sound barrier. Perfect if you want to create distance not just visually, but also acoustically.

Lighting: ambiance vs. spotlight

A well-lit garden is great, but it shouldn’t feel like an airport runway at any moment.

• Warm light, subtle spots. Not everyone is thrilled about a LED floodlight shining straight into their bedroom window.
• Candles, lanterns, and solar lights create ambiance without the electricity bill. Or you just go for a campfire, but that brings us back to the smoke complaints.
• Fairy lights can work wonders, as long as they’re used subtly. If your garden looks like a festival grounds, it might be a bit too enthusiastic.

Outdoor living without the drama.

Of course, you could just go full throttle. Crank up the BBQ to full power, send thick plumes of smoke towards the neighbours, blast music like you’re running a beach club in Ibiza, and set up lighting that looks like your garden is part of a national search effort.

Sure, you could be tactical. But hey, what’s the fun if your neighbours aren’t regularly feeling their gallbladder being pulled? Nah, just do whatever you feel like. And if they’ve had enough, you’ll get a subtle hint. Like a drone with a speaker, a mysterious complaint to the council, or a garden hose that just happens to spray your way.

But hey, if you still want to keep it friendly… maybe aim that smoke a little less directly at their balcony. Perhaps tone down the spotlight shining straight through their bedroom window. Maybe even lower the volume just a tad. And, revolutionary thought here, invite the neighbours over for once. Who knows, it might surprise you and turn out that outdoor living without the drama is actually pretty enjoyable!

And if they still complain? Well, at least you can honestly say you really gave it your best shot.